Long as there's milk and cookies I'm okay with this.
2. To walk my post in a military manner, keeping always on the alert and observing everything that takes place within sight or hearing.
Kind of freakin hard to do IF ITS PITCH BLACK!
3. To report all violations of orders I am instructed to enforce.
You mean tattle tail on myself? What do I look like a split personality?
4. To repeat all calls from posts more distant from the guardhouse than my own.
Wait, what guardhouse? They have a guardhouse! COOKIES!!!!
5. To quit my post only when properly relieved.
Hold on, doesn't that mean I have to pea in my pants?
6. To receive, obey, and pass on to the sentry who relieves me, all orders from the Commanding Officer, Officer of the Day, Officers, and Non-Commissioned Officers of the guard only.
Big problem here. What if there is no sentry to relieve me. Guess we go back to #5.
7. To talk to no one except in the line of duty.
Ah, come one, I can't even talk to myself?
Geeze, what has this world come to?
8. To give the alarm in case of fire or disorder.
In a combat zone its nothing but fire and disorder.
9. To call the commander of the relief in any case not covered by instructions.
There was a spot on 20/20 where this was recorded on live action CAM,
it wasn't pretty.
10. To salute all officers and all colors and standards not cased.
Why should I? They never salute me.
11. To be especially watchful at night and, during the time for challenging, to challenge all persons on or near my post, and to allow no one to pass without proper authority
Yeah, we did this christmas eve. Santa left us coal.