Vietnam -- You know you've been to Vietnam when

you left a world behind that isn't anything like what you remembered.

you call the mall the local PX.

you call K-Mart the local commissary.

you think all women are blondes.

you notice women are taller than you.

you expect to get yelled at.

you dive for cover when a loud noise starttles you.

you got up, went outside, turned on the hose and took a shower buck naked.

asked your wife for SOS and she wanted to know what that meant.

you stopped shouting out your RA or US number when someone asked your name.

someone shouted "Watch out!" and you dove under a car.

you still call everyone with oriental eyes slant eyes.

.

you call every civilian chopper a huey.

you see a CH-47 and call it a shit hook.

you purchase a portable radio and call it a prick seventy-seven.

you explain what a Willey Peter round is.

you look for your dog tags.

you call everyone one joining the army a cherry.

you want to pay for things using APC.

you cook your barbecue meat with a home made napon bomb.

you can in an air strike on your neighbor to settle a long term family feud.

you tell your wife she's number one...which kind of means there's a number two, three and your out the door.

the dog house looks good.

you say "yes ma am" to your wife.

you say "yes sir" to your father in law and mean it sincerely.

you inspect the pizza man and his boxes with a metal detector.

every Cajun you meet you call Frenches.

you roll your cokes on ice even though you own a refrigerator.

Bobby Daren is your hero and you play Dr Norman over and over again.

you call everything by its nomenclature.

you wake up you kids with M-80s.

you spit shine your sneakers.

you polish every piece of metal in the house with brasso.

you starch your underwear.

you perform a white glove inspection of your children's rooms.

a friend of yours taps you on the shoulder and in a blink of an eye, he's on the ground with a bonnie knife at his throat.

you fight the meanest worst bully in town just to keep your fighting skills well honed.

you put your kids on kitchen police duty just because you know you can.

you paint rocks for a living.

you sit in a dark corner and shake.

you put a black ace of spades into the unconscious hand of a guy who thought he could beat up a Vietnam vet.  Then pissed in his face.

you can smile when the rest of the world hates you guts knowing the only man standing would be you.

you rushed a kid to the hospital because he was bleeding to death and both the mom and the doctor thank you for saving a kid's life.